Dear New York City

Dear New York City,

I had an awesome time with you earlier this summer, even if only for a couple of days. I am excited to get the chance to spend more time with you in the near future. I'm sure we'll have loads of fun, smell each other's smells, try to rob one another blind, and go to a Yankees game together.
However, there is a pressing matter at hand. You have made off with a woman I am overly attached to. I understand you have only had her for less than a week, but it seems much longer to me. You see, I am stuck here in a boring little town and there's not much to do but think of her swimming in your wonderfulness. I'm glad you've given her work, but would like for you to leave her a little time to get things organized. Having gone from seeing her daily to next to no time at all, I am becoming agitated with you already.
Here's how you can help. First, have someone in that city return an e.mail concerning the types of employment I am seeking. I have written the most pleasant of letters to employers all over the city. None have deemed it necessary to answer. If I can get a response, I believe I can weasel my way into an interview. That would allow me to see you as soon as possible. Having an interview go well would allow my to permanently bask in your beauty and more importantly be with the one I love.

Don't be a jerk about it, you'll only further the northern stereotype. Just return my letters and calls. Thank you so much for giving me the chance to miss someone so very badly.

With Kindest Regards,
Israel

P.S. I understand it takes time to find work amongst you, but this is why I'm writing personally. You know, to see if you could pulls some strings for a small time admirer.